I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
