I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
