Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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