How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
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U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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