I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
