im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
