there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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