i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
