Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
