she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
