Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
