Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
