I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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