i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
