So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
