You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
