i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
