yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
