If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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