Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
