i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
