I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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