shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
