My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
