I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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