Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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