So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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