even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize