Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
