Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
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I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
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God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
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