FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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