what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
