There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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