pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
