In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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