Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
