you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
