I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
