O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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