you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
