Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
