drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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