I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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