make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
