dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
