The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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