I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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