Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
