Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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