i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
