Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
