Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
