he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
