i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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