I will die if light touches me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize