Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize