i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
