All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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