Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
