Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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