1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
