I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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