I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
