I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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