Heybabeimwearingurpanties
is wine microwaveable?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
