btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
