why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
