I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
