My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
