I think im going to throw up on grandma
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
We smell like vodka and hangover
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